Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
