escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize