i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
