My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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