who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
