I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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