Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
