He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
my poor anus
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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