So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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