I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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