Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
