Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
that may or may not have been my penis.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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