holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
