Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
