Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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