the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
