my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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