My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
