is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
