my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
