I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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