took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
