haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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