ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
