ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
