i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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