I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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