just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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