So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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