I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
