What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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