look no pants
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
