At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
In other news, I just burned my penis
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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