so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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