I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
