In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
