I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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