You surviving the open bar?
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I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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