Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(760): View more from California

...so i touched it.

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(314): View more from Missouri

First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics

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(804): View more from Virginia

god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class

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(786): View more from Florida

All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"

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(248): View more from Michigan

Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.

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(518): View more from New York

I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush

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(419): View more from Ohio

I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex

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