Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
