I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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