i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
