well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
