i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
