I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
