people are starting to question the shark bite story
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
