38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
