Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
