Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
