Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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