guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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