she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
