as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
