i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
