U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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