Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
