she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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