Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
