you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
