This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
