If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
