guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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