she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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