Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize