Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
