Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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