Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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