I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
