So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
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porn star boner night. come get it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
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I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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