You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
